Is Shaking Hands with Husband’s Relatives Permissible in Islam?
Introduction
In Islam, maintaining good relationships with family members is highly encouraged. Marriage brings two families together, and showing kindness, respect, and good manners towards one’s husband’s relatives is an important part of family life. However, when it comes to physical contact, particularly shaking hands with male relatives of one’s husband, Islamic teachings establish specific guidelines.
Many Muslim women wonder whether it is permissible to shake hands with their husbands’ brothers, cousins, uncles, or other male relatives. To understand the ruling, it is essential to distinguish between mahram relatives, with whom marriage is permanently prohibited, and non-mahram relatives, with whom marriage is Islamically possible.
1. What Does Islam Say About Shaking Hands with the Opposite Gender?
Islam encourages modesty and respectful interaction between men and women. The Qur’an instructs believing men and women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty.
Allah says:
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity…”
(Surah An-Nur, 24:31)
Islamic scholars have generally held that a woman should not shake hands with a non-mahram man. This ruling applies even when the man is a relative by marriage, provided he is not her mahram.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also demonstrated the importance of maintaining boundaries in interactions between men and women. It is reported that he ﷺ said:
“I do not shake hands with women.”
(Sunan an-Nasa’i, 4181; the narration is graded authentic by a number of hadith scholars.)
This narration is commonly cited by scholars who prohibit physical handshakes between unrelated men and women.
2. Which of the Husband’s Relatives Are Mahram?
Not every relative of a husband becomes a mahram to his wife. Certain relationships become permanently unmarriageable through marriage, while others do not.
Male relatives who are mahram
A woman’s permanently unmarriageable male relatives through her marriage include:
Father-in-law: Her husband’s biological father.
Grandfather-in-law: Her husband’s paternal or maternal grandfather.
Son-in-law’s equivalent relationship: Her husband’s son from another marriage, meaning her stepson.
Further ascendants and descendants: The relevant male ancestors of her husband and his male descendants, within the established rules of Islamic law.
Allah mentions the prohibition of marrying one’s fathers-in-law and stepchildren in Surah An-Nisa (4:22–23), establishing important rules regarding marriage relationships.
A woman may interact with her mahram relatives according to Islamic guidelines of modesty. The ruling on handshakes with mahrams is different from the ruling on handshakes with non-mahrams.
Male relatives who are non-mahram
The following are generally non-mahram to a woman:
Brother-in-law: Her husband's brother.
Male cousins: Her husband's paternal or maternal cousins.
Husband's nephews: His brother's or sister's sons.
Husband's uncles: His paternal or maternal uncles.
Other male relatives: Any male relative of her husband who does not fall into a permanently prohibited marriage relationship.
Therefore, a husband's brother or cousin does not become a mahram simply because of the marriage.
3. Is Shaking Hands with a Brother-in-Law Permissible?
This is one of the most important questions in this discussion.
According to the majority of Islamic scholars, a woman should not shake hands with her husband's brother because he is a non-mahram man. The same principle applies to her husband's male cousins and other non-mahram relatives.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ warned against treating the brother-in-law as though he were a close, unrestricted family member.
In an authentic hadith, the Prophet ﷺ said:
“The in-law is death.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari, 5232; Sahih Muslim, 2172)
This statement is understood by scholars as a strong warning against carelessness concerning interactions with a husband's male relatives, particularly those who can easily enter the family home and have frequent access to the woman.
It does not mean that every in-law is inherently dangerous. Rather, it emphasizes the need to maintain appropriate boundaries and avoid situations that may lead to temptation, inappropriate familiarity, or violations of privacy.
A Muslim woman can be respectful, welcoming, and kind to her husband's brother without physical contact.
4. What If Refusing a Handshake Offends the Family?
In some cultures, shaking hands with relatives is considered a normal greeting. A woman who declines may worry that her husband's family will misunderstand her intentions or consider her disrespectful.
Islam teaches both modesty and good character. A Muslim should try to observe religious boundaries while treating others with kindness.
Here are some practical ways to handle the situation:
Offer a warm verbal greeting, such as “Assalamu Alaikum.”
Smile and acknowledge the person respectfully.
Place your hand over your chest as a polite alternative.
Explain gently that you follow a religious practice of not shaking hands with non-mahram men.
Ask your husband to help communicate this boundary to his family when appropriate.
There is no need to be harsh, argumentative, or disrespectful. A sincere explanation and consistent manners can help relatives understand the practice over time.
5. What If the Handshake Happens Accidentally?
Sometimes a woman may extend her hand or accept a handshake out of habit, forgetfulness, or social pressure before remembering the Islamic ruling.
If it happens unintentionally, she should not become overwhelmed with guilt or despair. She can seek Allah’s forgiveness and make an effort to observe the boundary in the future.
Islam recognizes the difference between deliberate actions and genuine mistakes. Allah says:
“Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred.”
(Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:286)
A Muslim should approach such situations with sincerity, seek reliable religious guidance when needed, and continue striving to follow Islamic teachings.
6. Can a Woman Greet Her Husband’s Relatives Without Shaking Hands?
Absolutely. Islam does not prohibit kindness or respectful communication with non-mahram relatives.
A woman may greet her husband's brother, cousin, or uncle verbally, discuss necessary family matters, participate in appropriate family gatherings, and maintain good relations while observing the limits of Islamic modesty.
The objective is not to create distance or hostility between families. Rather, it is to maintain a balance between family harmony and religious commitment.
Good manners, respectful speech, appropriate clothing, and clear personal boundaries all contribute to healthy family relationships.
Conclusion
According to the majority of Islamic scholars, shaking hands with a non-mahram man is not permissible, even when he is a relative of one’s husband. A husband's brother, male cousin, nephew, or uncle does not automatically become a mahram through marriage. By contrast, a father-in-law is a mahram.
Muslim women can maintain loving and respectful relationships with their husbands’ families without physical contact with non-mahram men. The key is to combine adherence to Islamic teachings with wisdom, gentleness, and excellent manners.
May Allah grant us the understanding to follow His guidance, the wisdom to handle family matters with kindness, and the strength to uphold our faith with sincerity. Ameen.
Allah knows best.
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